Preheat your oven to 350°F. Line a 9x13 baking dish with parchment paper so cleanup is basically zero. Roughly chop the pretzel sticks into bite-sized pieces—you want some bigger chunks and some smaller crumbs mixed together.

Combine the chopped pretzels with melted butter in a large bowl and toss until every piece gets coated. Spread this mixture evenly across the bottom of your prepared pan and bake for 8-10 minutes until it smells absolutely amazing and starts to turn golden.

While the crust bakes, beat your softened cream cheese with the sugar until it's fluffy and light—this takes about 2-3 minutes with an electric mixer. Fold in the vanilla bean paste, then gently fold in the whipped topping until you've got one smooth, creamy mixture with no cream cheese streaks.

Once the pretzel crust cools for about 5 minutes, spread the cream cheese layer evenly over top and press down gently so it covers everything. Pop this into the fridge for at least 2 hours—I usually do this part in the morning so it's totally set by dinner.

Just before serving, toss your sliced strawberries with the lemon juice and cornstarch in a bowl. Let them sit for 2 minutes so the cornstarch absorbs the juices and keeps the topping from getting watery.

Spread the strawberry mixture over the cream cheese layer right before guests arrive—don't do this more than 30 minutes ahead or you'll end up with pooling juice. Sprinkle the chopped pistachios over the top and cut into squares.